Speaking at Newtrade Media’s Women in Convenience event in Birmingham on 5 October, Lane, who has worked in education for seventeen years outlined his top tips for store owners on how to better understand behaviour, and the tools and advice to respond to overcome them in a positive, calm and respectful manner, whether it be face to face, or online.
1. Dealing with setbacks
This technique is great for dealing with adults and young people, Lane explained. A setback could be an argument, failing, or rejection. A person going through this should consider their losses – what have they lost, or might they lose? They then might experience ‘unpleasant’ emotions, such as shock, anger, guilt, or depression. This can happen very quickly and get jumbled up and overlap. The key to a healthy emotional adjustment process is acceptance – to let go or bargain back a loss.
2. Finding a gap between action and reaction
If a setback is a personal criticism, you could be losing respect, professional judgement, credibility, or a mixture of all three. Shock is usually the first thing that hits us when we’re faced with a setback. When you’re in shock you might feel anxious, stunned, or panicky. Consider where you feel shock in your body. It is important to find a gap between action and reaction, and finding the person or place that helps us to calm down – that place may even be in your mind, like a memory.
What are your safe places that are easily accessible? Remember ABCD – Aware (how shock feels), Breathe, Choose a safe space, Decide what to do next.
3. Bargaining style
There are three styles of bargaining: passive (lie low, hide away, give in, accept defeat), assertive (don’t give up, negotiate, team up, persuade), aggressive (insult, force, dominate)
“Assertive is the way to go. Try to convince, team up, persuade,” Lane explained.
4. Making a list of losses
This involves making a list of what you have to lose or have lost in a conflict, and choosing which of these you want to get back. This will make you feel more in control and is good practice for winning back.
It helps us to move forward and let go, as well as practice how can you win back one of those things, such as self-esteem, self-respect and identity.
5. Knowing yourself and planning for setbacks
Writing down feedback if you are in a tense situation can allow yourself time and space to process negative feedback or complaints. This helps you learn more about your temper, and plan for it. It also indicates to the person giving you feedback you are taking their problems seriously.
If you would like to find out more about Women in Convenience and how you can get involved, please email marketing@newtrade.co.uk or contact Kate Daw on 07886 784465
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